伟大的拍猫机－非凡的笑果
2018-03-26
看到一个拍猫机的产品介绍，觉得还真有这么无聊的玩艺，忍不住瞎编一篇产品评论，认真严肃的打发无聊，引经据典的胡乱联系，看看笑果如何。
我从没有买过这样一种可以改变生活品质的产品。作为一个对猫和狗的有严重过敏反应的人，能够为自己心爱的狗狗猫猫提供爱抚一件很开心的事，因为我严重的过敏反应，我的朋友，家人和医生都建议我避免和宠物有亲密接触。有了拍猫机，我心爱的猫猫再也不缺充满爱心的抚摸了，我也不会因为不能给猫猫贴心的关怀而内疚到彻夜无眠，两眼发黑了。看到猫猫对我摇头摆尾，陪我打发无聊的时光，我又充满了活力。
用了一个多月后，拍猫机一点都没有磨损的迹象，它非常便携，猫猫非常喜欢它。这样一个改变生活的产品，除了眼前所能看到的优点，肯定还有更深的意义。所以我决定开始一个项目，认真的挖掘一下它的意义，我把项目命名为：“拍猫机阴谋计划“。
经过数周的研究，我发现了一个很有趣的方面，拍猫机特别强调它可以拍到85ppm（每分钟85下）。 “为什么85？” 我问自己，就从这一点入手研究吧。 85是什么意思？好吧，这个词“ppm”（每分钟拍多少下）与“bpm”（每分钟几个节拍）很相似，bbm是一个用来衡量音乐节奏的术语，所以我把1985年的最火的前100首歌曲都找岀来。仔细测量完每首歌曲的BPM，只有歌曲Take on Me（由乐队A-Ha演唱）的测量值最接近85 BPM，准确的说是84。难道这首歌与拍猫机产品有关？那么为了找到更深的意义，我们必须看看歌词，真巧，Take On Me歌词的第85个字是“Take”。
看来“take”这个词可能有更多的意味，经过进一步的研究，我发现了去年发布的一款有关中世纪日本的游戏，游戏名叫“Ta-Ke”。这个游戏的目的是通过安排不同的人们到你的法庭来扩展帝国的影响力。所以我决定找找美国历史上的最高法院法官，美国至今一共有112个最高法院法官，按时间顺序第85个是Fred M. Vinson，他以维护少数种族群体的权利而闻名。这一下就击中了我：在产品盒子封面上，有一只灰白的猫在享受机器的拍打，右下角还有一只容易被忽略的棕色的狗。这种颜色差异难道只是一个巧合，是不是也有一种对少数种族权利的宣扬? 这些证据与Fred M. Vinson联系起来，我断定拍猫机不仅是为了宠物主人，也有传播种族平等，改善人类的意义。
了不起，拍猫机真是一个非凡的产品。
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The PetPetter Conspiracy
Never have I spent my money on such a life changing product. As someone who suffers from severe allergic reaction to cat and dog dander, it is always a wonderous thing to know that you are providing the best service and care for you beloved pet. Of course this includes petting, which my friends, family members, and doctor, suggest I avoid due to my severe allergy. But with PetPetter, I know that I am providing the best for my pet cat, Tod. Gone are the days of sleepless nights over overflowing guilt caused by my inability to properly care for my beloved pets. Bags have disappeared from my eyes, and I have begun to become more active and strive for new challenges with such a burden removed and still retain the support of my pet.
After using it for over a month, it has shown absolutely no signs of wear or breaking down. It is extremely portable, and Tod is absolutely loving it. But for a product to be this life changing, there must be something more to it than what meets the eye . So I began to start digging and thus began the project I have named: “The PetPetter Conspiracy Project”.
After weeks of extensive research, I have found one aspect that has always interested me: that the pet petter can pat up to 85 ppm (pets per minute). “ Why 85 ?” I asked myself, and so I began my research. What could 85 mean? Well to start, the term
“ppm” (pets per minute) shares heavy resemblance to the term “bpm” (beats per minute), which is a term often used to measure the tempo of a piece of music. So I
looked through the top 100 hundred Billboard Songs of the year 19 85 . After manually measuring the BPM of each song, the song Take on Me , by the band A-Ha was the only song the measured closest to 85 BPM (84.0 to be exact). So how is this song related to the PetPetter product? Well to find a deeper meaning, we have to look at the lyrics. And it just so happens to be that the 85th word of the lyrics to Take On Me is “ take . ” Now at this point, I understand that the word “take” can mean many several things, but upon even further research, I found out there exists a medieval Japanese themed board game released last year by the name “Ta-Ke ”. In this medieval themed board game, the goal is to expand the influence of your empire by assigning different people to your court. So I decided to look at all supreme court justices that have existed in the history of the United States. Out of all 112 supreme court justices that have existed the, 85th chosen supreme court justice (in chronological order), was Fred M. Vinson, most famously known for his opinion of upholding the rights of members of racial minorities during the time period. And that’s when it hit me : on the cover of the box, there shows a pale cat getting petted by the PetPetter, and a brown dog that’s being neglected in the bottom right corner. Is this color difference just a coincidence, or perhaps a preach of the rights of racial minorities? After all this evidence with Fred M. Vinson, I can only conclude that PetPetter was not only created for the sake of pet owners, but to preach and spread ideas of racial equality for the betterment of humanity.
Truly, an extraordinary product.